Son: Tata says he's not doing so good and he's dying.
Out of bed I go.
Dad after coming home from dinner and a movie with his girlfriend: Quick, I need 2 asprin, and nitro, my chest HURTS.
What's the pain at?
Dad: a NINE. I NEED ASPRIN.
What did you have for dinner?
Dad: Uhm, chile relleno, and salsa.
Here.
Dad: What's that?
Tums, for your heartburn.
Dad: ...
Twenty minutes later
Dad: The pain is leveled off. I sure am glad I thought of the Aspirin.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Birthdays
Dad to Gideon: Where's your mom?
G: Duh, it's her birthday, she went to hang out with some friends.
Dad: She doesn't get friends.
G: Only you can have friends, right?
Dad: How old is she?
G: Figure it out!
Dad: Hello US Bank, Can you subtract 1976 from 2013 for me? (seconds later) Oh, thanks, my daughter is 37 today!
G: Duh, it's her birthday, she went to hang out with some friends.
Dad: She doesn't get friends.
G: Only you can have friends, right?
Dad: How old is she?
G: Figure it out!
Dad: Hello US Bank, Can you subtract 1976 from 2013 for me? (seconds later) Oh, thanks, my daughter is 37 today!
The Power Chair Saves the Day
My dad not only double, or triple booked lunch
with girlfriends today, he booked his power chair delivery, too!
My son said, "Wow, I'm learning how NOT to date, Mom" after he heard my dad say, "No, don't come get me, I have uh, my power chair delivery" to two of the ladies!
My son said, "Wow, I'm learning how NOT to date, Mom" after he heard my dad say, "No, don't come get me, I have uh, my power chair delivery" to two of the ladies!
Put what, where?
While I was drawing up my B12 shot today, my
dad asked what it was for (like he hasn't seen me do this every week for
2 years...). I said "Your doctor didn't tell you? I'm supposed to put
this in your EYE."
I don't think he'll be asking me any more questions.
I don't think he'll be asking me any more questions.
Who has the cash?!
Dad: I need some money.
I gave you $40 two days ago, how did you spend it so fast?
Dad: No you didn't, no, no, no!
Remember, I made a trip to the bank and Gideon ran the cash in for you?
Dad: No! No you didn't, Gideon gave it to me!
*facepalm*
I gave you $40 two days ago, how did you spend it so fast?
Dad: No you didn't, no, no, no!
Remember, I made a trip to the bank and Gideon ran the cash in for you?
Dad: No! No you didn't, Gideon gave it to me!
*facepalm*
VA Operators and Clocks
Stuff my dad says:
Hello VA Operator, my ride isn't here yet! Please call them and remind them to come get me!
Dad, it's a half hour early, they're not coming until 4.
Dad: How do YOU know?
You told me Monday as soon as they told you the new time. You said to get you up at 3:30 so you'd be ready for your pick up at 4.
VA Operator: Mr. Duarte, your ride will be there at 4am.
Dad: Oh. I forgot.
Hello VA Operator, my ride isn't here yet! Please call them and remind them to come get me!
Dad, it's a half hour early, they're not coming until 4.
Dad: How do YOU know?
You told me Monday as soon as they told you the new time. You said to get you up at 3:30 so you'd be ready for your pick up at 4.
VA Operator: Mr. Duarte, your ride will be there at 4am.
Dad: Oh. I forgot.
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